Take it from Figure "O"
(The Marriage of Figaro Overture)

TAKE IT FROM FIGURE O is a hilarious vocal take on Mozart’s Marriage of Figaro Overture – from the point of view of instrumentalists playing it – with lyrics by the arranger. It was originally written for Dunedin Consort’s tour of the Scottish Highlands and Islands in 1999 and was subsequently recorded by the vocal quintet, Five Live (five former members of The Swingle Singers). It makes the perfect encore for any vocal ensemble recital or concert – the faster, the better.

Take a look at that
All that I can say is that he really is a prat
Writing such a lot of little notes so close together
That it really is impossible to play

What a lovely bit
Like the sound of it
How can you slag this music off
When it’s the best of its kind?
Have you anything better to say?

Here’s a slow bit above the rest

You’re so boring
Just ignore him,
Always complaining that the music is so bad
When it’s just he can’t play it
At the end of the day

Here’s a tricky bit that ends up with a BING!
I can tell you this is just my sort of thing
If it wasn’t for his music I’d say
Mozart would amount to almost nothing
Yes, nothing, yes nothing
In fact it takes a special kind of fellow
That can write the sort of music for
The Magic Flute or sonata or symphonies
Or concerto or masses, fugues and operas like
The Marriage of Figaro.

It’s easy peasy when you analyse, cut it down to size
All he’s really written are some scales and the odd arpeggio
Yes, I can play it standing on my head, lying down in bed
Isn’t very difficult to play this stuff when you are such a pro

BAM!
Gosh, that was rather strong
You’re sure it isn’t wrong?
It should get softer, not louder as this is,
And ending with a long_____
(Oh now they’ve got a long note,
A very, very long note)
It’s very long and boring
Right up ‘til the very, very end

And now it’s all gone quiet
Yes very, very quiet
And now he’s changed the key
(And I have got a solo in the bassoon part
That has been ‘specially written for me!)

What a show-off, that’s absolutely typical
I would never blow my trumpet…
(You’re a string player)
That’s irrelevant and don’t be hypocritical
You’re just jealous ‘cause I’m better
(That’s not fair!)

I’m sure that Mozart will be happy when he hears us playing
Music that is not a load of rubbish like the other things we play
It’s a wonder I should say
That the audience will stay
After what they have to pay

They’re getting ruder by the minute can you hear them talking?
Really is the limit when you’re trying to play the violin
But they’re making such a din
That you cannot hear a thing
I’m about to pack it in!

Yes, yes an ending, yes
An ending, yes
An ending would be nice
Yes, yes it’s coming, yes
I know it, yes
In fact it would be
Great to finish suddenly
Instead of going on and on and on
As operas do

Oh no, I cannot - no
Believe it, no
He’s made us play it twice
No, no how very – no
Deceitful, no
In fact it’s really
Rotten to deceive us all
To make it go on longer when we thought
That we were through

I’ve had enough
Now that is all
I’m going home
Let’s pack it in
Well, that is it
Yes, we have all got
Better things to do.

© Ben Parry