Christmas Cards
(A Seasonal A Cappella Dittie)

This fun and amusing song for a cappella vocal quartet is the setting of some ingenious lyrics by Garth Bardsley, decrying the overload of Christmas cards each December. The piece was premiered by Cantabile – The London Quartet at the Bridewell Theatre in December 2011 and broadcast live by the BBC Singers in concert from St Paul’s, Knightsbridge on BBC Radio 3 in December 2013.

I’ve heard people say that the postman knocks twice
But that saying it seems is somewhat imprecise
Let me tell you the truth – and the truth is quite shocking –
For the man from the mail, he keeps knocking & knocking

I am surrounded by Cards, Christmas cards they abound
Everywhere that I look, Christmas cards can be found
And I’m really astounded, not to say quite dumbfounded
To know that my friends really love me

On the ground by the door there’s a Christmas card mound
And the pile it has grown to proportions profound
Though the postman is browned off, my day has been crowned off
In knowing my friends really love me

There are cards on the mantelpiece and cards on the chairs
There are cards in the sitting room and cards on the stairs
Cards stand to attention in-the kitchen extension
There-are even some cards in the room I daren’t mention

There are cards on the landing and on mum’s four-poster
There-are cards in the oven and cards in the toaster
There-are cards on the telly and pinned to dad’s belly
And-the cards in my sock drawer are-a little bit smelly

There are…
Sixty three robins and fifty four mangers
Twelve angels. nine shepherds and three Power Rangers and
Forty four donkeys the number keeps mounting
And so many stars that I couldn’t keep counting

There are…
Hundreds of hounds chasing fugitive foxes
And pictures of mices in big woolly sockses
The baskets of kittens and puppies are charming
Though dogs hung in stockings I find quite alarming

There are...
Snow-covered houses and a snow-covered steeple
A snow-covered snowman and snow-covered people
There are snow-covered gentlemen in tight lederhosen
It’s really snow wonder they’re clearly half-frozen

There are…
Thirty two churches with bells that are ringing
Six Marys, five Josephs, four choirs loudly singing and
Holly with berries and mistletoe for kissing
Three camels, two Magi, that’s odd – one is missing!

I am surrounded by Cards, Christmas cards they abound
Everywhere that I look, Christmas cards can be found
And I’m truly astounded, and a little confounded
In knowing my friends
Just knowing my friends
My fabulous, marvellous, glorious, wonderful friends
Really love me

© Garth Bardsley